


hold on

by rubanrose



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 08:40:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10302617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubanrose/pseuds/rubanrose
Summary: Donghyuk is the embodiment of warmth, to Renjun. It’s the way he slips into Renjun’s bed on that cold winter night, with warm eyes and warm skin and the warmest smile.





	

Donghyuk is the embodiment of warmth, to Renjun. It’s the way he slips into Renjun’s bed on that cold winter night, with warm eyes and warm skin and the warmest smile. The room is dark, everyone else sleeping already but Renjun has been kept awake by his incessant thoughts and the cold tickling his skin, making him shiver. 

Donghyuk runs his fingers through Renjun’s hair when he lays his head on his pillow, his hand sneaking around the older boy’s waist and pulling him against his chest. He's so warm Renjun folds into his touch, one of his fists closing on Donghyuk’s pajama shirt. Donghyuk pulls up the covers to hide them from the cold air. 

“I’m sorry,” Renjun whispers, holding tightly onto Donghyuk’s shirt. 

There’s a soft sigh coming out of Donghyuk’s lips, and he’s leaning forward to place his mouth on Renjun’s forehead, kissing him as a way to show it was okay. 

Guilt keeps pulling at Renjun’s mind ever since they fought in the afternoon. He said things he regrets saying. They had been alone together in the vocal practice room for the first time in weeks, and Renjun hadn’t meant to bring up serious matters, but he couldn’t help it. Harsh words had been thrown at each other in hushed voices so they wouldn’t be heard by any passerby, and it wasn’t the first time they fought, but it was the first time their words had been so harsh.

It’s this whole secret dating thing, it’s stressing Renjun out. He worries so much, even when it’s not necessary. It’s in his nature to worry. He worries about people finding out, he worries about looking at Donghyuk with too much fondness, he worries about giving himself away accidentally. He worries about his own career, but he worries more about Donghyuk’s. The boy was made for the entertainment industry, his easygoing personality perfect for variety, his voice nice on the ears, with so much potential for so much more. He has a natural charisma, a talent with people Renjun doesn’t possess. He can’t imagine Donghyuk doing anything else but being an idol, and he would hate himself if he was the reason for his dream to be broken.

Renjun sometimes believes he’s selfish. He wants to hold Donghyuk’s hand, and tell him he loves him, but he can’t. They can never be alone together for long. They can’t go on dates, or show too much affection to each other if other people are looking. It’s driving him mad.

Renjun’s love for Donghyuk, it’s overwhelming. It’s eating him up, and he’s afraid one day it’s going to be too much. It’s already so much, maybe even too much when he looks at Donghyuk and he feels like the air is trapped in his lungs, and his palms become clammy, his heart beating fast just like during the first few weeks after Renjun realized he liked Donghyuk.

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault, Renjun,” Donghyuk murmurs against Renjun’s skin, his fingers tapping his waist softly. Renjun shivers and Donghyuk brings him even closer. 

“I didn’t mean it, when I told you I wish I hadn’t fell for you. I didn’t mean it,” Renjun repeats, and Donghyuk shushes him. 

“I know, I know. But even if you did, I wouldn’t blame you. This is far from an ideal relationship. But every day I’m thankful that you love me enough to be with me even if we don’t have anything tangible,” Donghyuk says, his breath tickling Renjun’s skin. 

Renjun stares at Donghyuk’s face. His boyfriend’s eyes seem to be staring into his soul. 

“Sometimes it feels like I blink and 3 days have passed, and I didn’t get to hold your hand once,” Renjun whispers. 

Donghyuk hums. 

“When we’re more famous, and we make lots of money, I’ll buy us a house. It’ll be just for the two of us, with big windows where the sun can come in. And on mornings where we don’t have to work, we can cuddle in bed. We can have a dog too, or a cat, whichever you like the most. There’ll be a big kitchen, so we can bake desserts together,” Donghyuk says, and the idea makes Renjun smile genuinely, his cheeks warming up at the mention of a future together. 

“Moving in together...do you think that can really happen one day?” Renjun asks, and Donghyuk nods with enthusiasm. 

“Of course. You can achieve anything you want as long as you really want it, and as long as you work for it. I’m here, am I not? Nobody believed in me, at first. My sister would call every week when I first came to Seoul, telling me to move back home, that it was useless. And I’m here…” 

“I’ll always believe in you,” Renjun says, and they both blush at how corny that sounded. 

“You’ll bear with this, right? With this lack of intimacy, this lack of freedom. We’ll get out of this.” 

Donghyuk says it with so much determination, Renjun automatically nods. 

“I would wait forever if I had to,” he answers, and his voice is laced with sleep. A low, gentle laugh escapes Donghyuk’s throat. Renjun blinks a few times, trying to chase away the drowsiness. 

“Just sleep,” Donghyuk tells him, and Renjun rests his head against him, his eyes closing. 

“I love you,” he mutters, and Donghyuk’s kissing his gently. 

“I love you too.” 

They fall asleep against each other, legs tangled together, Donghyuk’s warms hands against Renjun’s cold skin. 


End file.
